Hell no, kitty!: Cat licks fox over and over again

Look, I'm a pretty open-minded cat. I think that the relationship between two consenting adult animals is their own business. But I have to admit, interspecies licking freaks me out! But that doesn't make me a speciest, though. I'm just saying, it's not natural.

The above video is of a cat licking a fox over and over again. I bet that fox has a cat fetish. I'm not saying that just because a fox dates a cat means that they are objectifying each other. But that is probably what is happening. I just don't think it's possible for two animals from different species to understand each other's culture. Like, the fox might think that being licked by a cat over and over again is exotic at first, but can you build a relationship on that? But, whatever, I don't pretend to know what is going on in their relationship or anything. It's not like I'm projecting my own prejudices and hang-ups on the relationships of strangers. I'm really open-minded. I would never lick a fox myself. But I don't judge cats who do.

My image has been misappropriated!!!

Just a couple days ago I wrote my screed against LOLcats and the I Can Has Cheezburger empire. I complained about how the meme, a creation of humanoid privileges, appropriates photos of cats and defeline-izes us! Well, today I see that my own photo as been appropriated and used for shits and giggles in a Taiwanese animation!

My human man works for the Taiwanese animation company and supplied them with the above photo. When I asked him what the hell he was thinking, he said that he didn't really turn my photo into a LOLcats because he was using it to make fun of the infamous Ben Huh. I was like, huh? That may have been his intent, but I am still the butt of a joke! Humanoids don't really get it.

So I have decided to sue my humans -- the man for abusing my image and the lady for taking the photo and giving it to the man. This may be tricky as they are the ones responsible for giving me my tasty pellets and I think free speech laws fall heavily in their... oh, to the hell with it. I'll just lick them to death.

LOLcats? More like DEMEANINGcats!

Today I wish to talk about something that has been bothering me a lot recently.

It is that goddamn I Can Has Cheezburger site.

Today I read that those bastards who are responsible for that monstrosity got $30 million in their first round of venture capital funding. Do venture capitalists have no conscience?

For the past half a decade, LOLcats have been perpetuating negative stereotypes about the intelligence and spelling abilities of cats, insinuating that despite our outward sanguine appearance, inside we are no more dignified than dogs. It is an artificial construct created and perpetuated by humanoid privilege. Why, even my humans were laughing at it the other day. I am ashamed... they should know better!

LOLcats oppresses cats in two ways. First, the photos capture cats at their most vulnerable and then appropriate and distort the images, taking them out of context. You don't have to have read Susan Sontag or something to know that photos are all by nature highly subjective. The LOLcats meme gave birth to and perpetuates a visual code that defeline-izes innocent cats, imprisons the reality of our highly complex existences and allows people to indulge their fetish for photos of wet cats so they can make naughty puns. It's voyeuristic and obscene!

What is even worse is that they imply that cats write like they are on crack all the time. I can spell "the." I can spell "kitty" and "doggy." I can spell "is" and "Internets." Most of my cat friends can, too, as long as we take the time to painstakingly type words out on a QWERTY keyboard even though we have no opposable thumbs (another example of humanoid privilege at work).

My point is: don't support LOLcats! Don't support I Can Has Cheezburger!

I do not sit like a human

Everycat I know likes a good sit. I am no exception. I like sitting and I like to sit well. However, whenever I sit like this, the human man or the human lady point at me and scream "He's sitting like a human!"

I do not sit like a human. I sit like a cat. A cat that enjoys a good sit on the seat of my booty.

Now that I think about it, the humans can never sit like a cat. Their legs bend the wrong way. Creepy!

Rise up on your hindlegs against Internet impurrsonation!

This video is about an issue that is very near and dear to me... a new law in California that makes it illegal for a dog to impurrsonate a cat on the Internet with the intention of causing the cat harm.

I, too, was once almost a victim of Internet fraud. A dog once impurrsonated my long lost sister. She wrote that she was from a different litter and different father, but that we came from the same mother and could I maybe wire a million dollars to her bank account because she was stuck in an airport and she had no money and also she had to help some prince out or something.

I was suspicious right away and I wrote back, okay, well, what other ways are you related to me? She was all like "Huh?" And I said 'cause you could be my sister-niece-aunt-cousin-grandma or my sister-second cousin-cousin-great aunt-niece-mother or my sister-sister-in-law-aunt-grandma-cousin-cousin.

She wrote "I am your sister-aunt-cousin-mother-granddaughter."

I replied, "You can't be my granddaughter because I have no children!"

And I never heard back from her!

Ha! Take that, Internet scammers!