Gregor Samsa woke up one morning...

 

I am sorry for my recent silence. It's really hard to author a blog and take care of my humans. To wit, the other day I tried to warn the human lady that there was a giant roach on the door of our bedroom closet. She thought that I was "just being sooooo cute!" and "trying to walk like a human!" (in her words) and whipped out her phone to take a video. Boy, was she in for a surprise, as you can see. I TRIED TO TELL HER! 

She later complained to the human man that I should have pounced upon the cockroach and eaten it, "like a normal cat would." Um, that is WAY TOO MUCH fiber for a single cat to handle in one day.

The humiliations never cease

A few days ago, the human lady came up behind me and snapped a photo. I had no idea what she was doing until she started dancing around and laughing about how she'd created a new creature called a "Meowduck." It was kind of like "The Island of Dr. Moreau" and I told her she looked like the aged Marlon Brando, too. We're not really on speaking terms right now.

You know what is a much better story about humanoid vaingloriousness and moral perversion? "The Most Dangerous Game." Dr. Zaroff is my hero because we both have the same goal: hunting humans.

I'm sorry if I spoiled the story for anyone.

A bird in the bellah...

Famous Celebrity Internet Cat Taroko George Talks Like a Bird from catherine_sr. on Vimeo.

As part of my ongoing efforts to reinforce my Internet Celebrity Fame, I work hard on branding myself and cultivating my legions of loyal fans. These fans include birds. I like to serenade them in their language. It makes them feel included. Also, I plan to eat them.

You know that old proverb "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?" Let me tell you something. That's bullshit. What I say is this: "A bird in the bellah is worth two in the paw, and besides this is completely academic because the two in the paw are going to get eaten forthwith."

Coooooome clooooooser...

... I want to kill you!!!