A wool new world

The human lady likes to keep wooly things in the house for me to play with, including her new, beloved loose weave polka dot scarf and her latest knitting project.

Sheep smell funny. I hope I get to meet a sheep one day. And by "meet" I mean "meat." Mmm...

Hell no, kitty!

Today I was surfing around on my human lady's computer and I saw this perverse video on the famous online video compilation Internet site Youtube. It's so wrong! I cannot believe the moderators let this one through. It is of a cat taking a bath. What is more, the cat uses her tail as a STEERING DEVICE! Tails were not made to do that. Tails should be valued. Why, some cats don't even have a tail!

My humans -- the guy and the lady -- gave me a bath when I was but three months of age and still incredibly tender and sensitive. But they did not care and got me wet all over. They said it was because I had butt worms. Those were my house guests! Fine, butt guests, but still. I come from a culture that values hospitality and I was so incredibly mortified and ashamed.

A bird in the bellah...

Famous Celebrity Internet Cat Taroko George Talks Like a Bird from catherine_sr. on Vimeo.

As part of my ongoing efforts to reinforce my Internet Celebrity Fame, I work hard on branding myself and cultivating my legions of loyal fans. These fans include birds. I like to serenade them in their language. It makes them feel included. Also, I plan to eat them.

You know that old proverb "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?" Let me tell you something. That's bullshit. What I say is this: "A bird in the bellah is worth two in the paw, and besides this is completely academic because the two in the paw are going to get eaten forthwith."

I am booty-full in every single way...

As I was talking about my booty routine the other day, I thought you would want to check out my booty. Stare and weep, minions.

My nemesis, Doraemon

This is my archnemesis Doraemon.

He thinks he is so great, with that insipid smile, his flat face and ears and that mouse thing attached to his ass.

He said, "Imma gonna beat your ass!"

I said, "One of my nuts is twice the size of your nuts put together and anyway this conversation is purely academic as I am going to whoomp you not with my nuts but with my claws."

He said, "Good, because I forgot to pick up Corn Nuts at the intergalatic rest stop."

I said, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

He said, "Wasn't that what you meant by nuts?"

I said, "NOOOOOOOOOOO I meant my nuts or... yeah..."

He said, "I think this conversation is over. Please."

My human lady

Care and feeding of humans:

1) Don't ever get your human wet.

2) Keep it away from bright light.

3) No matter how much it cries, no matter how much it begs... NEVER, EVER FEED IT AFTER MIDNIGHT.

Coooooome clooooooser...

... I want to kill you!!!

In my safe place

My safe place is a brown paper bag.

What's yours? Your butt?

Sorry I did not mean to sound hostile.

Increasing my fabulousity

My booty routine. Don't be the jealous. You can be equally booty-full if you lick yourself 300 times a day (add 300 extra if your human(s) insist on touching you).

Behold my glory!

My butt is shaped like a heart.

That is because I am made of love.

Welcome to me, Internet

Hello. I am Taroko George. I am famous celebrity Internet cat.

You may notice the lack of an indefinite article.

That is on purpose.